Working remotely in the thick German winter feels… heavy and tiring. The days and nights blend into one big grey blur, and it’s all too easy to lose motivation to do anything. Even the simplest tasks, like dressing up or putting on makeup, feel meaningless. And honestly? I’m starting to get tired of all the winter pullovers and warm socks!
No wonder I keep catching myself drifting off to memories of the South of France, where we spent two perfect summers enjoying fresh food and wonderful beaches. Or imagining a never-ending Brazilian adventure. Instead, my days look more like this: I wake up (or rather, I’m woken up by Dex, my puppy, whose internal clock works better than any alarm), and before I know it, I’m online. Connected to the world 24/7, caught in an endless stream of messages, meetings, and more of the same. Don’t you sometimes think a meeting could just be an email—and that email could have been completely unnecessary?
Countless coffee cups later, I pause this madness only because Dex insists on his midday walk. After lunch? The chaos continues.
By the time I lie down at night, I’m exhausted and promise myself I’ll do better tomorrow. But history has a way of repeating itself. Weekends, at least, are reserved for social engagements, glasses of wine, romantic dinners, and the city buzz. Yet, despite all this connection, I can’t shake the feeling of being… disconnected. Like everyone, including me, is running on autopilot, just counting down to the Christmas break.
“One and a half weeks to go,” my boyfriend sighed this morning, staring at the calendar. He was referring to our week-long getaway to Holland, booked just before Christmas. Sure, it’s something to look forward to, but I can’t help but wonder: is that all December is about? Grey skies and auto-piloting until Christmas?
I refuse to accept that. Fueled by coffee and some angry music, I recently decided to give the winter blues the finger. F*CK YOU!!! I yelled (in my head). No more autopilot, time to grab the wheel.
So I decided to declutter. Declutter my relationships, finances, house (though I already live quite minimalistically), emails (oh God), and, most importantly, my thoughts.
The first thing I tackled? Relationships
One dark evening, I sat down after work and thought about the people currently in my life. For me, it’s family, coworkers, friends—and then acquaintances and near-strangers I’ve picked up along the way. Being a people-pleaser in the past meant I was terrible at saying “no.” Traveling 1.5 hours after work for someone who’d never visit me in return? Sure, no worries! Taking on extra work dumped on my desk? Let me get back to you in an hour.
But the truth is, these patterns were eating away at my soul and affecting my mental and physical health. So this December, I decided to let go of anyone who doesn’t spark joy (thanks, Marie Kondo!). Thank you for being in my life, but it’s time to go. Bye now. It’s been so cathartic and empowering. At the end of the day, there’s only that much time of the day you have and it should be spent on those that give you something in return – love, warmth, a sense of belonging, and the “I got your back” mentality.
Digital detox is a work in progress
Sometimes a random person pops into my mind and I simply must go check them out. Sometimes on Insta and other times on LinkedIn. (I can’t be the only one doing it, right?) And then I feel like shit seeing how full of a life that person is living as opposed to me. This trigger really had to go, I thought to myself and – before my brain could scream NOOO – deleted most of the accounts I followed. I’m aiming to create a space for myself, something to focus on and breathe. The truth is digital spaces are even more draining than physical ones.
Tiny daily wins
Right now, I’m trying to take it one day at a time. Socializing with people I love, going out to the charming German Christmas markets (more on that in another post), and spending 15 minutes to eliminate things and people that no longer serve me. But I’m also staying grateful for everything life’s taught me so far.
EXPRESSO NIGHTS 